Amends to Self

Written by, Anonymous

My dear self,

I love you, and I’m so proud of you. I haven’t always made it easy for you, but you’ve become such an incredible woman, and I’m certain you will continue to thrive in the future.

I’m writing this letter as an amends for all I have done and failed to do that stalled our growth or made life more painful than it needed to be.

I often expected perfection from you, which was unfair and unreasonable. I did not accept you as you were physically, and I abused your beautiful body. For those times I am deeply sorry.

I did not allow you to truly feel and learn from all of your emotional experiences. I number and masked and covered up. I deprived you of meaningful moments, relationships, and lessons through my drug use. I truly regret this.

I was also cowardly and lacked the courage and bravery to speak up for you so that your needs could be met. I neglected you in my pursuit to people-please and avoid the discomfort of confrontation. I failed to value you and deprived you of so much good because I was afraid. I sincerely apologize for taking you for granted in this way.

Moving forward, I promise to love you for all of your beautiful flaws and imperfections. I promise to give you the grace to be human. I love your physical body, your wondrous mind, your vast emotional experiences, and your incredible spirit.

I promise to allow your experience, no matter how uncomfortable, confusing, or challenging it may be. I will always be here for you without judgement. I will not attempt to alter or change your mind so that you may learn and grow as God intends for you.

And I promise to be your biggest advocate. I will stand by you and speak up for you no matter what. I will prioritize your care first and I will never expect you to pour from an empty cup.

Most importantly, I will always keep trying and I will never give up on us. I will accept mistakes as they come, learn from them, and do the next right thing.

I love you.

~yourself

Published in A New Leaf – August 2026

  • Steps and Principles

    By, Tanya Mc. Stepping into… I am absolutely powerless over weed in my life.I can honestly say i can’t stop using, once I start.It’s always, just one more time, but then;It seems to be a marathon, on which I embark. But, I feel like it is just me who is doing this.I feel like there…

    Steps and Principles
  • Recovering

    By Lisa N. Recovery – it takes some time.Minutes turn to days, days to weeks.While the weeks, they mark the climb. Work through the months, get to the end.Recovery is continuous, a journey and path.No final destination you see, my friend! Addiction is our illness, connection is our cure.We wrestle our demons, deal with Life.Adulting…

    Recovering
  • Heard in a Meeting

    “I’m having positive transitions. This is the promise of recovery.” – Anonymous Published in A New Leaf – June 2025

    Heard in a Meeting
  • This Tune Shall Pass

    By, Jesse P. It started out as one teenaged wishthe click of a lighterand turned into a lifeIt was excitingand floating from the groundcame the laughter and the closeness I needed to have somehowyou turned into a danger from someone I held so close, I don’t knowbut it was time for you to go Oh…

    This Tune Shall Pass
  • Dear Cannabis Sativa

    By, Melissa H. Dear Cannabis Sativa,We were introduced by a cool, blond-haired rebel girl from Colorado. I was a 15-year old flatlander from Pennsylvania who had never even heard of you. I took to you because you elevated fun to a new level. I hadn’t known that fun was smokable. You made rolling over on…

    Dear Cannabis Sativa
  • Depression and the Twelve Steps

    By, Carol M. I am an addict and a depressive. I wish I were manic depressive, but I have never experienced the up, just the down. Getting to the “almost OK” has been a struggle all my life. My first attempt at suicide was at eleven. Depression is a disease. In many ways it’s like…

    Depression and the Twelve Steps