October 12th – Trust

“The Third Step does not say, ‘We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.’ It says rather, ‘We made a decision to do so.’ ”

– Life with Hope, second edition, page 12

I was told I was a willful child and that I made my own decisions. I was also told, “you’re smart, but don’t be stupid.” With adults undermining me, I felt I could not trust anyone, and so I never felt connected to my Higher Power. I questioned myself constantly.

When taking the Third Step and making a decision to turn over my life to my Higher Power, I realized this is a daily and sometimes moment-to-moment decision. It’s almost like doing a Tenth Step in a different way; taking inventory of what I have yet to release and deciding to do so. When I hold on so tightly that I can feel my nails digging into my palms, I have to let go, absolutely. I pray to let go of my will and follow God’s will.

Each time I let go, it has turned out for the better. When I let go and pray, I can feel the belief and trust in me grow. Trust has always been hard for me (growing up in an abusive home) but trust feels so warm and comforting now. I love to trust myself, others and my Higher Power. It feels like I am on the right path; even though the facts of my life have not changed, my outlook on those facts has.

Final thought: Today, I am better each moment I let go and let God. I feel the change in my bones; I am in recovery; and I am a more serene person because of that decision.