Go back

But What If…

Written By Anthony

As I sit in this first day of sobriety, laying in the bed waiting to get sleepy after taking a sleep aid, I’m thinking to myself “But what if I lose it all from disconnecting from everything and everyone?” Only to realize that those what-ifs are what’s kept me trapped for so long.

Like the, “what if I lose momentum?” instead of, “what if I love the new pace?” Or, “what if my family doesn’t support me?” instead of, “what if I have all the support I need to stay clean?”

How about this MJ, what if I actually don’t want you anymore? I want me this time. I want self-love, self-respect, self-commitment — not bud devotion.

Published by A New Leaf Publications

A man lying awake in bed with a bottle of prescription medication and an alarm clock on his nightstand

More Articles

  • Counting Down the Days

    Written by Rysse G. I count down the days that I am sober, like a clock to how long I can just be in my life without running. 12 hours.There’s a train barreling down the generations. 1 day.Recovery they call it. What am I recovering? 16 days.I cry like I’m unplugged, like it feels it…

    Counting Down the Days
  • Poem 3

    Written By, Jessyka C. Don’t know how many more times we can say goodbyeBut I will tryHopefully for one last timeTo see you outThis is itIt’s overI mean thisAnd it’s not like I won’t miss youI willWe were good togetherYou and IWe had some great timesBut MaryYou’re done scaring meWith how much I rely upon…

    Poem 3
  • Stopwatch

    Created By, Anonymous Published By A New Leaf – March 2026

    Stopwatch
  • Heard in a Meeting

    “Don’t tell your Higher Power you have a big problem, tell your problem you have a big Higher Power/God.” Published by A New Leaf – March 2026

    Heard in a Meeting
  • But What If…

    Written By Anthony As I sit in this first day of sobriety, laying in the bed waiting to get sleepy after taking a sleep aid, I’m thinking to myself “But what if I lose it all from disconnecting from everything and everyone?” Only to realize that those what-ifs are what’s kept me trapped for so…

    But What If…
  • Gripped by Green

    Written by, Amy K. Chaos crowned my childhood years,a crown of grief, a flood of tears.Mum was gone before I knewhow fragile love, how brief, how true. At eight, the world was cracked and cold,foster hands, but none to hold.Brother lost to darker fires,needles, powders, failed desires. I found my comfort in the haze,at twelve…

    Gripped by Green
Shop
A New Leaf – Online
A New Leaf Publications
Marijuana Anonymous
Help

Copyright © 1989–2026 Marijuana Anonymous World Services—All Rights Reserved
—Marijuana Anonymous World Services, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation, does not endorse or accept contributions from any outside enterprise—