But What If…

A man lying awake in bed with a bottle of prescription medication and an alarm clock on his nightstand

Written By Anthony

As I sit in this first day of sobriety, laying in the bed waiting to get sleepy after taking a sleep aid, I’m thinking to myself “But what if I lose it all from disconnecting from everything and everyone?” Only to realize that those what-ifs are what’s kept me trapped for so long.

Like the, “what if I lose momentum?” instead of, “what if I love the new pace?” Or, “what if my family doesn’t support me?” instead of, “what if I have all the support I need to stay clean?”

How about this MJ, what if I actually don’t want you anymore? I want me this time. I want self-love, self-respect, self-commitment — not bud devotion.

Published by A New Leaf Publications

More Articles

  • Growth, and Small Changes

    Written by, Ernest F. I went and helped someone move into a new place. I had been friends for years, we were co-workers. I would always expect good work, and good conversation, when we were placed together to work. I had left the company some years before. The move was good, and we talked. After…

    Growth, and Small Changes
  • I’m Moving Out (My break up letter to Marijuana)

    Written by, Charlie L. Dear MJ, I didn’t know it then, but I was looking for you my whole life before we met.I never knew how to exist in my body.How to quiet the loud busy streets of my mind,I never knew how to make any choices, I didn’t know how to feel anything.I didn’t…

    I’m Moving Out (My break up letter to Marijuana)
  • Heard in a Meeting

    “Don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling!” Published in A New Leaf – August 2026

    Heard in a Meeting
  • Cannabis Induced Psychosis (CIP)

    Written by, Connor B. I had my first psychotic episode at the age of 21 while away at college. While taking a bath, I was suddenly afraid I was going to drown so I called campus authorities and ran in the cold in only my pajamas to make it to the security booth. I hadn’t…

    Cannabis Induced Psychosis (CIP)
  • Surrender & Serenity

    Written by, Bella Even as a child I was inclined to argue and be stubborn. My skills of rationalizing and manipulation were part of my character makeup. I was also ready to start a game or sing-along at any given moment. But I was also shy, moody, and given to victim fantasies. I was the…

    Surrender & Serenity
  • Poem 4

    Written by, Jessyka C. It was the bee That inspired me To quit the green Been smoking so long I’m no longer ganga princess, I’m ganga queen Now I’m realising it’s only bringing me down Spending all my money on it like a clown I need to stop, give it a rest I can be better…

    Poem 4
Shop
A New Leaf – Online
A New Leaf Publications
Marijuana Anonymous
Help

Copyright © 1989–2026 Marijuana Anonymous World Services—All Rights Reserved
—Marijuana Anonymous World Services, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation, does not endorse or accept contributions from any outside enterprise—