Go back

But What If…

Written By Anthony

As I sit in this first day of sobriety, laying in the bed waiting to get sleepy after taking a sleep aid, I’m thinking to myself “But what if I lose it all from disconnecting from everything and everyone?” Only to realize that those what-ifs are what’s kept me trapped for so long.

Like the, “what if I lose momentum?” instead of, “what if I love the new pace?” Or, “what if my family doesn’t support me?” instead of, “what if I have all the support I need to stay clean?”

How about this MJ, what if I actually don’t want you anymore? I want me this time. I want self-love, self-respect, self-commitment — not bud devotion.

Published by A New Leaf Publications

A man lying awake in bed with a bottle of prescription medication and an alarm clock on his nightstand

More Articles

  • Replying to a Major Publications Article on Weed

    Written by, Param D. Today an article called “Review of Medical Cannabis Use Finds Little Evidence of Benefit” that was published by a major news outlet. I started to read the comments, many of which denied  that weed could be addictive or harmful. It prompted me to write a comment of my own. “I’m a…

    Replying to a Major Publications Article on Weed
  • Heard in a Meeting

    “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” Published in A New Leaf – April 2026

    Heard in a Meeting
  • Break Up Letter

    Written By, Stefania M. Dear Mary Jane, I was thinking about you today, I haven’t smoked you in a while, Your smell lingers in my mind. I wondered if you’ve thought of me during this time away….but in reality you’ve been playing around with others. I’m not the only one you took down. Rumour has…

    Break Up Letter
  • Can I truly live a life without marijuana?

    Written By, Kat L. At almost 11 months clean and sober, it is hard to imagine a life completely without marijuana. I smoked pot for over 30 years and tried to quit many, many times to no avail. I lived and breathed marijuana. It was what I lived for on a daily basis. I planned…

    Can I truly live a life without marijuana?
  • Coming Out of Fog

    Written by, JoyceAnne I didn’t arrive here with a dramatic crash. No one dragged me into a meeting. No one waved empty a pipe in my face. No one ever said, “You ruined my life with your using.” I just used enough to muffle the edges. Enough to stuff things down. Enough to crawl into…

    Coming Out of Fog
  • Lost in The Clouds

    Written by, Fe J Did they just say my name? My head hurts. My brain is foggy, hazy, still filled with smoke. “Fe, would you like to introduce yourself?” Oh, God. That’s my name. Suddenly it feels like the AC isn’t working. I straighten my posture sitting on my bed, hot and uncomfortable. Can I…

    Lost in The Clouds
Shop
A New Leaf – Online
A New Leaf Publications
Marijuana Anonymous
Help

Copyright © 1989–2026 Marijuana Anonymous World Services—All Rights Reserved
—Marijuana Anonymous World Services, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation, does not endorse or accept contributions from any outside enterprise—