Written by, Anna T.

I have admitted that I am powerless over cocaine, marijuana, my boyfriend and all mind altering drugs.  

My life is/was out of control – I couldn’t handle my bills and my relationship with my boyfriend. I was having a hard time getting up for work.  I was becoming co-dependent and resentful and I’m tired of all this bullshit. My life was becoming unmanageable; I was missing God the most.  I had lost my spirituality.  

All of these problems are mine. I refuse to blame anyone else but myself. All of these messes I got into were of my choice.  

What has hurt me is drugs. They put me into a fantasy world. They led me down to another bottom. Also, my obsession with my boyfriend included dreaming he would make it. And, of course, his drug of choice, again, put him into another bottom. I was becoming very co-dependent and unmanageable.  

My daughter was around all of this. She didn’t see the drugs, however, I know she could sense changes in my attitude. She heard my boyfriend and I fight; they were insane fights. I’m laying all of this out on the table. My life again had gone down the drain. I can not drink, do dope or any mind altering drugs. I am powerless over these things and the outcome is horrifying.  

Using and drinking had clouded my vision. I was not loving myself properly. I was going down. I am grateful I didn’t have a heart attack. Let’s not forget that I was not loving my daughter like a true mother. I was living an ugly life. I had enough!!  

I’ve tried a lot of time to get on top of problems; I’d end up right back on drugs; I couldn’t do it myself.  

I want out of all my problems; I will do it one day at a time. I am almost 30 days clean and sober. I am very emotional. I want peace and serenity. I believe I will have this and more.  

God bless me and keep me safe  

I love myself…

Published in A New Leaf – July 1991