Written by, Terry M.
In the book, “The Road Less Traveled,” Scott Peck defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” One of the first things I remember being told when I reached these rooms was “we will love you until you learn to love yourself.”
This concept was very appealing to me for two reasons:
- My entire life was motivated and aimed at finding love and understanding.
- I really hated the person that I was.
Suddenly, I found myself in a place where many people were extending this will to love me, unconditionally. I could feel it. I felt understood. All my life I had people telling me “I love you,” and “I understand,” however, this was the first time I felt it.
For many years I believed love was the way you felt about somebody. Today I know love is not a feeling. It is an action, its the way you treat yourself and the way you treat other people.
Before sobriety, there were only a few people I loved and I was not one of them. Today they number in the hundreds and I am happy to say that, most of the time, I am included.
When I see someone come into these rooms for the first time, I see myself in them, I feel their pain and I understand. I give them a hug and tell them it will be okay and that they’re in the right place. I simply give to them what was freely given to me.
I remember the first meeting I went to. I was scared and did not know what to expect. A man I have never seen before walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me and said “welcome, you’re in the right place.” I didn’t know how I knew he was right, but I did. Shortly after, I asked him to be my sponsor.
After two failed attempts at accepting the love the rooms had to offer (each failure resulting in two more years of drug use), I found myself in the mountains, off the beaten trail, laying on a bed roll doing the only thing I knew how to – denying my feelings. With a joint in one hand and a beer in the other, God provided me with an “eskimo.” A group of obviously lost hikers came walking through my camp site. Much to my surprise, my former sponsor, John, was at the head of the pack. Well, seeing him and being caught by him brought up the fear I felt as a child. I remember jumping to my feet, beer and joint dropped at my side and waiting for the scolding/abuse I was sure I was going to receive. When he got a few feet away from me, he lifted my arms and gave me a hug and said, “We miss you, we love you and I’m saving your chair.”
Looking back, I have to laugh. It is so obvious who was lost.
After 3-½ years of recovery (being clean and sober, working the Steps and practicing the principles in all my affairs – to the best of my ability), I love myself most of the time and I am getting a better understanding of who I am. Bob (Earle) defines intimacy as “me being me and letting you see me.” I am intimate with myself and I am intimate with others and in doing so, find love and understanding beyond my wildest dreams.
