Written By, David L.
I started using at 16. As soon as I got my own stash, my addiction began. It started as my nightly routine, helping me to escape my anxieties and calm my mind. Deep, relaxing sleeps turned into obsessive use… smoking joints on the way to school, avoiding my parents to hide my bloodshot eyes and skunky stench. I didn’t think much of my poor grades, lack of ambition and overall turtle-like behavior until college.
Four more years of heavy use left me emotionally and mentally paralyzed, and severely alone. After college, two more years of sustained use and I was spiritually drained. I started losing weight. At first, just a few pounds, then a few more. Over the course of a few months, I was unable to eat a full meal. I needed a few hits just to feel halfway decent. After weeks of slow decline, I began vomiting after I smoked and after I ate anything. Even gatorade didn’t sit well. I woke up on August 21, 2022 with a massive pit in my stomach. An undeniable feeling that I needed to get help. It felt like the end, like I was giving up on my life. Little did I know, this would be the beginning of my recovery journey.
I spent that morning in a hospital bed, with an IV in my arm. The nurse who took care of me that morning was familiar with the detox symptoms I was experiencing. Fatigue, nausea, confusion, anxiety and more. The IV made me feel human again. I explained to the nurse the nature of my smoking. Every day, all day, for almost 10 years. With confidence in her voice, she told me that I would end up right back here if I kept it up. She explained my condition as CHS (Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome). On one hand, it was a relief to know there was a reason for my decline in health. On the other hand, I knew it was going to take all of my willpower to stay away from cannabis.
With support from my parents, I found a virtual IOP (intensive outpatient program) that focused on substance abuse. I learned about my addiction and started sharing openly about it. In those meetings, I heard about MA. I immediately started going to virtual meetings, found a homegroup, and then started being of service. About 60 days into recovery, I found my current sponsor and began working the Steps.
Around the same time, I got some unsurprising news. I had Crohn’s Disease. I learned at this point to surrender things out of my control and find the courage to change the things within my control. They put me on various medications, with side effects lists as long as a novel. I persevered through 2 years of changing medication, endoscopies, colonoscopies, endless stomach pain, exhaustion, nausea and more.
I stayed sober through it all with help of the program, my Higher Power and the community around me. I’m finally on medication that has greatly improved my quality of life. I feel young again. These 2+ years clean have given me the freedom to be the person I’d always wanted to be. There’s certainly a lot of progress to be made, but progress over perfection, right? I’ve changed a lot recently and have had plenty of bumps in the road in my sobriety, but the formula that keeps me clean has stayed the same.
Go to meetings
Find a sponsor
Work the steps
Connect with my Higher Power
Work with others
Whenever I feel my sanity or peace leaving me, I check to see if I’ve been doing these five things. Keep the faith, it works if you work it. So work it cause you’re worth it!
