Written by, Day L.
Before recovery, I was incredibly hard on myself. I did not believe I was lovable not by anyone else, and honestly not even by myself. Because of that, I gave too much of myself away and looked for validation anywhere I could find it. A big part of that was marijuana. I convinced myself that the version of me that was high was my best self— smarter, funnier, more attractive, more worthy. I really believed that was the version people would love. So loving myself felt impossible unless I was using. I remember mornings when I woke up sober and felt… empty, like I wasn’t enough on my own. Looking back now, I see I was not really loving myself at all I was trying to escape myself.
Recovery started teaching me something completely different. It showed me that showing up for myself sober is an act of love. Not the flashy kind of love (like a heart shaped chocolate box with nugs in it) but the quiet, everyday kind that says, “You matter enough to be here for.” I have had to learn to accept the parts of me I once thought were not good enough and to sit with feelings I used to run and hide from. Avoiding them only created more pain, but facing them has helped me understand myself with compassion instead of judgment. Recovery has also taught me to let people see the real me, not a filtered version, not a version propped up by substances—just ME. And that is where real connection and love started to grow.
There is a saying in recovery: “work it because we’re worth it.” For so long, I did not think I was worth the effort, that I did not deserve goodness in my life. Today, choosing sobriety is my way of showing myself that I AM worth it. Waking up sober is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself. It is me saying, “I deserve care. I deserve honesty. I deserve to live fully.” Slowly, I am learning to receive love from others and my higher power as well little by little, day by day. I am not perfect, but I am showing up and trying, and that counts.
I am excited to keep learning and loving the person I am becoming. Recovery is not about perfection, it is however, about showing up, being honest, and practicing love toward myself in ways I never knew how to before. And the more I do that, the more I am able to give and receive love in a healthy way. Growing through recovery has taught me that loving myself is not selfish, it is NECESSARY. And it is something I am grateful to keep choosing every day.
Thank you for reading this message of hope, about coming to love myself slowly, and through recovery anything is possible. If you take anything from reading this, just remember to work it because you’re worth it. I am Day and I am a Marijuana addict.
