Written by, Anneliese B.
If someone had told me five, ten, fifteen, or twenty years ago that I’d be a part of a worldwide, loving fellowship of marijuana addicts, I don’t know that I’d have believed them. I had resigned myself to a lifetime of marijuana smoking, and therefore to a lifetime of isolation, fantasized functionality, grandiose thinking, and self-hate. I had every excuse in the world to continue my daily smoking habit and there was no human who could relieve my addiction.
Fast forward to today: there is still no one human who can relieve my addiction, but there is a marvelous fellowship of many humans who, together, guided by our Higher Powers, have relieved me of my addiction and continue to lift my obsession to self-sabotage, one day at a time.
With over a year of marijuana sobriety, I have experienced countless miracles and spiritual awakenings as I continue to work the 12 Steps, come to meetings, participate in outreach, and do service. I am the co-secretary for my online home group and I am the secretary for my in-person home group. I am actively working the Steps and continually, humbly asking the God of my understanding to remove my character defaults at a time that is best for all concerned. I am practicing patience and developing a discipline for prayer and meditation. I am useful and reliable. I am a fully participating partner, friend, family member, fellow, and colleague. My cognitive efficiency has improved, I’ve hit exercise goals I never thought possible, and I have a growing awareness of the ways in which my choices affect my energy, health, and endurance.
Do I always act in alignment with the will of my Higher Power? No. Do I always make choices that are best for my health and spiritual growth? No, but I have made tremendous progress. I will never be perfect and I will always be human. I am growing in my acceptance of my human fallibility, knowing that this recovery thing is a process, not an event, and I will never be perfect.
Marijuana Anonymous has given me the gift of sobriety and clarity and, with this, I am now able to see all the behaviors and choices that block me from oneness with my Higher Power. I’ve since entered into another 12-Step program to help me with another addiction that I wasn’t even aware of before marijuana sobriety, and I continue to work the Steps in the first 12-Step program I came into before MA where I learn to practice emotional sobriety. I know I am not alone in any of my addictions today. The sense of unity and belonging I’ve gained in the rooms of recovery helps me to know that I can recover. Others have come before, others will follow. We recover.
