Amends to Self

Written by, Anonymous

My dear self,

I love you, and I’m so proud of you. I haven’t always made it easy for you, but you’ve become such an incredible woman, and I’m certain you will continue to thrive in the future.

I’m writing this letter as an amends for all I have done and failed to do that stalled our growth or made life more painful than it needed to be.

I often expected perfection from you, which was unfair and unreasonable. I did not accept you as you were physically, and I abused your beautiful body. For those times I am deeply sorry.

I did not allow you to truly feel and learn from all of your emotional experiences. I number and masked and covered up. I deprived you of meaningful moments, relationships, and lessons through my drug use. I truly regret this.

I was also cowardly and lacked the courage and bravery to speak up for you so that your needs could be met. I neglected you in my pursuit to people-please and avoid the discomfort of confrontation. I failed to value you and deprived you of so much good because I was afraid. I sincerely apologize for taking you for granted in this way.

Moving forward, I promise to love you for all of your beautiful flaws and imperfections. I promise to give you the grace to be human. I love your physical body, your wondrous mind, your vast emotional experiences, and your incredible spirit.

I promise to allow your experience, no matter how uncomfortable, confusing, or challenging it may be. I will always be here for you without judgement. I will not attempt to alter or change your mind so that you may learn and grow as God intends for you.

And I promise to be your biggest advocate. I will stand by you and speak up for you no matter what. I will prioritize your care first and I will never expect you to pour from an empty cup.

Most importantly, I will always keep trying and I will never give up on us. I will accept mistakes as they come, learn from them, and do the next right thing.

I love you.

~yourself

Published in A New Leaf – August 2026

  • Thoughts from the Field 

    Written by, John H. I believe in myselfI believe that every action for myselfgives value to myselfand if you are willing to actin love of youI believe in you The story of my recovery is the story of desire. What I desired was life, for I was living without desire. I did not know who…

    Thoughts from the Field 
  • “Let your drug of choice be life”

    Created by, Callie B. Published in A New Leaf – September 2025

    “Let your drug of choice be life”
  • Shared Steps

    Written by, Cheryl B. You didn’t flinch.I noticed.Even when I unraveledlike thread pulled too far. You didn’t rush to fixor offer polished truths.You just stood—still,present. That mattered morethan you’ll ever know. I spilled stories,pixelated and flickering,sent across flat screensand silent hours. You received themwithout question,without recoil.Patient as a treein soft wind. I expected judgment—maybe even…

    Shared Steps
  • Summer Days

    Written by, Michael M. For me, sunny summer days were made for using. At the pool. Before work. After work. For BBQ’s. For hikes in the woods. My friend used to say that weed was a “guaranteed good time.” And for addicted me, summer was prime “party” time. My mind wants to reminisce about how…

    Summer Days
  • Recovery

    Written by, Jennifer W. Yesterday is goneToday has just begunTomorrow is not yet hereThe clouds are shiftingThe fog is liftingAnd everything is made clear We can’t go back or forwardWe only have todaySo let us bow our heads and prayThat we stay in the momentNow and foreverBecause We only have today One was never enoughI…

    Recovery
  • A New Leaf on Life

    Written by, Anonymous My journey into recovery starts as a pre-teen. I was a survivor of childhood cancer– a kidney cancer– and my parents were superstitious so they did not tell me about my cancer until my pediatrician shamed them about this when I turned 10, 6 years after my treatment. I did not know…

    A New Leaf on Life