Looking Up

Looking up through oak and pine branches into a clear blue morning sky, with a pale half moon visible

Written by, Anonymous

When I was high
I looked up at the stars
Each time I pulled in
On that little pipe that got clogged up
And then I cleaned it with alcohol
Boil it in saltwater
Boiling cloves cinnamon and nutmeg to try to cover up the smell
Dumping the boiling water in the alley of the back patio

I miss looking up at the stars every day
But I do not miss burning my finger with a crappy lighter
And coughing and hacking up a storm at the quietest moment
In the theater

I do not miss carrying around green mints in my pocket to pop
Them in when my throat would start to tingle
I do not miss hacking up loogies in the sink each morning and eve when I brushed my teeth

I do not miss the hazy gaze and foggy way I looked at people
Avoiding conversations and exiting early
I always exited early

I do not miss feeling shame for the smell of weed on my breath
Or my red bloodshot eyes
I do not miss that mary jane- that made me delusional and in a private bubble of shame
Stuck in time
Looking at the stars and the full moon

Today I look up to the stars
The trees and the blue sky
I inhale deeply and exhale
Weed free

Published in A New Leaf – September 2026

More Articles

  • Finding the Courage

    Written by, Katherine T. I want to start by talking about where I came from, because I think so much of my struggle with open-mindedness and honesty started in my childhood. Growing up, I was taught to believe exactly what my family believed. There wasn’t room for questioning, for doubt, or for my own voice.…

    Finding the Courage
  • It Doobie Like That

    Written by, Roe G. Hi guys, my name is Roe and I’m in recovery. Here is the story of my CHS experience. “I was diagnosed with CHS two days ago” “When did you last smoke?” “Um, yesterday… it was for the anxiety and the nausea” “Are you confused as to what the problem is?”I felt…

    It Doobie Like That
  • Speed of Light

    Written By, Andrew G. (Ace) BPM: 100 intro/ 104 onwardChords: F#, D, A, E Verse:My systems been brokeBurning up in smokeI’m begging for hope, for hopeI’m waiting to be foundCasting shadows on the groundTo the lasers and the sounds Pre Chorus:I lost my trajectoryBut I found my gravityI’m taking off to the galaxyFeel my velocity…

    Speed of Light
  • Broken Mirrors

    Written by, Lewis L. While you were in your state of vegetative,Did you feel your green roots were truly native?Did it really make you more creative?Spiritual connection in the Himalayas?Was your life orthodox like men with payos?Was it your proxy that was glitching statements?All the spending, were you missing payments?In social settings, were you at…

    Broken Mirrors
  • My New Life of Service

    Written By, Maryanne M. I entered the rooms of MA during the height of the pandemic. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I would ever be fully sober after decades of heavy use. I had not planned on sobriety, in fact, my plan was to do the exact opposite. When I chose sobriety,…

    My New Life of Service
  • Pot Hole to Purpose

    Written By, Jovan B. Step One, we admit: we’ve lost all control,Marijuana trapped us, devouring us whole.Step Two, we believe there’s a Power unseen,Greater than smoke, to restore what’s clean. Step Three, we surrender, let go of the fight,We hand over our will and step into light.Step Four, we examine the harm we have done,Owning…

    Pot Hole to Purpose