Where am I, and why am I here?

someone driving down a road with their arm out the window feeling the wind

Written by, Richard J.

At first, I was only here because the Secretary of State has sent me here for the process of getting my driver’s license back. But my first session was a real eye-opener. I learned that my addiction was actually worse than I thought. I was nervous and a little scared of having to go through this, but as time goes on, I have realized my addiction has had me in a cycle of isolation and that is no way to live as I am not getting any younger.

Have my feelings changed since my assessment? Yes, I am actually excited for this change and have been feeling way better about myself. I have even reconnected with a few loved ones that I never would have thought I would talk to again, and I am very grateful for this experience. I am learning and meeting my true self. I just want to be a better role model for my younger family members, and also be here for people in the moment, especially my wonderful wife. Surprisingly I am also finding myself not getting as mad and frustrated at my job as well.

I am tired of wasting time and money on something that truly does not benefit me in any way. I have realized how powerless I am to this addiction. I am thankful for the support I have received from my loved ones and my new M.A. fellowship. I am learning that loving myself is very important. I have even started eating healthier and as a result I have even lost like fifteen to twenty pounds just from changing my diet which was not ever possible while I was getting high.

I just want to live life with the privilege of being able to drive legally again, and in doing so I will not be so isolated anymore. Not to mention being a safe and responsible driver on the road. I do plan to stay off any mind-altering substances for as long as I can do that, because if I don’t do that, I will most likely repeat the same cycle all over again, and this journey will have been for absolutely nothing.

In closing, thank you for changing my life.

P.S. My M.A. fellowship is proudly my new addiction. Love you all

Published in A New Leaf – October 2026

More Articles

  • Cannabis Induced Psychosis (CIP)

    Written by, Connor B. I had my first psychotic episode at the age of 21 while away at college. While taking a bath, I was suddenly afraid I was going to drown so I called campus authorities and ran in the cold in only my pajamas to make it to the security booth. I hadn’t…

    Cannabis Induced Psychosis (CIP)
  • Surrender & Serenity

    Written by, Bella Even as a child I was inclined to argue and be stubborn. My skills of rationalizing and manipulation were part of my character makeup. I was also ready to start a game or sing-along at any given moment. But I was also shy, moody, and given to victim fantasies. I was the…

    Surrender & Serenity
  • Poem 4

    Written by, Jessyka C. It was the bee That inspired me To quit the green Been smoking so long I’m no longer ganga princess, I’m ganga queen Now I’m realising it’s only bringing me down Spending all my money on it like a clown I need to stop, give it a rest I can be better…

    Poem 4
  • I LIVE TO SERVE! (fast ska/punk)

    Composed by, John J Chord: AYou may be sinnin’But I’m in it to win it!I got all the tricks, shit!I’m the one who can fix it!When I come for your curveYou better not swerve!Man have I hit a nerve!Baby I LIVE TO SERVE! YO! Chord: BmWe’re only as sick as our secrets, manI’m more than…

    I LIVE TO SERVE! (fast ska/punk)
  • Amends to Self

    Written by, Anonymous My dear self, I love you, and I’m so proud of you. I haven’t always made it easy for you, but you’ve become such an incredible woman, and I’m certain you will continue to thrive in the future. I’m writing this letter as an amends for all I have done and failed…

    Amends to Self
  • Seventh Step

    Written by, Jeremy O. God, grant me clarity, that I might recognize… God, grant me honesty, that I might acknowledge… Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit… Blessed are the powerless, for theirs is the path to recovery: This nameless addict asks God for serenity, for courage, for wisdom This powerless addict seeks God…

    Seventh Step