“Step One was the first step to freedom. We admitted our lack of power and our inability to control our lives. We began to acknowledge how mentally, emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt we had become. We became honest with ourselves. It was only by admitting our powerlessness in this first Step that we became willing to take the next eleven Steps.”

– Life with Hope, third edition, page 5

The admission that Step One calls for will feel like a punch in the gut. My ego will fight to keep marijuana in my life because denial and resistance are its most potent fuels. It will be painful to concede to the fact that the control I thought I had over my life is an illusion. In truth, it is the arrogance of my ego that gave birth to and perpetuates the insidious cycle of addiction. Growth is never easy; it wouldn’t be called “growing pains” otherwise; however, it is a well-known fact that nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. It is in the trials and tribulation that I discover there is strength in vulnerability.

Acceptance grants access to the power and wisdom of the universe; I need only practice stillness and faith to tap into the peace of being in the capable hands of my Higher Power. The cycle of addiction and the journey towards growth certainly comes with its own unique bundle of pain. I can either choose the pain of addiction or the pain of growth. The former leads to existential bankruptcy and the latter leads to the freedom and peace of an examined life. Addiction has been demanding the bankruptcy of my existence as payment for its promise of elusive euphoria. Growth will demand that I put in the work to earn the freedom and peace of an examined life. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Final thought: Today, will you choose to chase the fantasy of euphoria or will you choose to earn your freedom?