“We began to see the possibility that our beliefs about ourselves, formed while using, had been mistaken.”

– Life with Hope, second edition, page 6

I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home, full of judgments and criticism. I thought I needed to be perfect to be loved, and that perfection was an attainable goal. It was a big relief to learn that there’s no such thing as perfection. The readings tell me life is about “progress, not perfection.” Another belief I grew up with was that I was alone, because I always felt alone. The first really big change in my recovery came the day I felt a presence and knew I wasn’t alone. I figured it was my Higher Power and I spent four years trying to figure out what it was.

Finally, I came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter what my Higher Power is—I just needed to believe there was a Higher Power that cared for me. I also heard from someone with decades of recovery that Higher Power is big, bigger than our human brains can comprehend. I’m free to believe whatever I want my Higher Power to look like, or just be an energy like love.
In recovery, I’ve learned that I’m not alone, and that actually I’m perfect just the way I am. After some years in recovery, I finally put down the hammer that I used to use to beat myself up with. As I let my Higher Power care for me, I care for myself.

Final thought: Today, I can accept that I’m a perfectly fine imperfect human being who is never alone.