“When we strive for perfection, our ego gets in the way of letting our Higher Power into our recovery.”

– MA Workbook, first edition, page 41

One of my character defects is perfectionism. I used to think that was a good thing. Why wouldn’t I want everything I do to be perfect? When I came into MA, though, I learned that my perfectionism was an ego trip rooted in fear. My fear of not being perfect meant I avoided activities and ventures if I thought I couldn’t be the absolute best. Instead of gauging my interests and joys by my own deepest values, I compared myself to others and gave undue credence to what others (or, more likely, what I thought others) thought of me. This led me to avoid life’s challenges, resist engaging in new activities, or to take risks in my career, because if I couldn’t do it perfectly, why bother? When I did engage in something new or challenging, I was plagued by fear of failure. I would often freeze or procrastinate in anticipation of results I was convinced would be subpar and inadequate.

Of course, getting high was a great way to check out and avoid the feelings of self-loathing and disappointment this approach to life produced. Now, thanks to working MA’s program, I look forward to trying new things and taking reasonable risks, because I know that I only have to do what’s right in front of me, and my Higher Power will handle the outcomes. I trust that God has the perfect plan for me, and I don’t have to be more than me, with all the ups and downs, character assets and defects, successes and setbacks that being human entails—one day at a time.

Final thought: Today, I strive for progress, not perfection.