April 4th – What a Relief!

April 4th - a hand holding a car steering wheel

“We were living the illusion of control, thinking we could control not only our using, but also other people, places, and things.”

Life with Hope, first edition, page 1

I began my recovery unwilling to continue using marijuana to “solve” all my problems, but also reluctant to work on myself or to confess my long-held secrets. I desired the serenity, self-confidence, and maturity which others in the rooms seemed to have, but I didn’t want to do the work in order to obtain those things. I figured I could do it my way and be just as well off. “Be of service?” What? “Get a sponsor?” No way. “Work the Steps?” Unnecessary! Staying clean was enough for me, and I considered my abstinence to be real “recovery.”

After six months of not using, my mind was still racing. I obsessed about everything under the sun. I felt like a fraud sitting in meetings without taking the most basic suggestions. It was time to surrender! I finally asked a member with more time in the fellowship to sponsor me.

Final thought: Today, I will remember that God has a plan for this world which doesn’t involve me in the driver’s seat. I can let go of the steering wheel and enjoy the ride. Whee!

Living Every Day with Hope – Copyright © 2025 Marijuana Anonymous World Services. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of the publisher. Marijuana Anonymous groups have been granted limited permission to quote Living Every Day with Hope.

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