“We were living the illusion of control, thinking we could control not only our using, but also other people, places, and things.”
– Life with Hope, first edition, page 1
I began my recovery unwilling to continue using marijuana to “solve” all my problems, but also reluctant to work on myself or to confess my long-held secrets. I desired the serenity, self-confidence, and maturity which others in the rooms seemed to have, but I didn’t want to do the work in order to obtain those things. I figured I could do it my way and be just as well off. “Be of service?” What? “Get a sponsor?” No way. “Work the Steps?” Unnecessary! Staying clean was enough for me, and I considered my abstinence to be real “recovery.”
After six months of not using, my mind was still racing. I obsessed about everything under the sun. I felt like a fraud sitting in meetings without taking the most basic suggestions. It was time to surrender! I finally asked a member with more time in the fellowship to sponsor me.
Final thought: Today, I will remember that God has a plan for this world which doesn’t involve me in the driver’s seat. I can let go of the steering wheel and enjoy the ride. Whee!
