“The joy of my life today is awareness of the details of life and in having the honesty not to want to change them.”

– Sharing Our Experience, Strength, and Hope: Personal Stories of Marijuana Addicts, MA pamphlet

I felt a lot of shame and guilt when I was smoking marijuana. I was ashamed of hurting the people that I loved. I felt guilty that I was unable to pursue my goals because I was high. I tried to hide the negative feelings that I had about myself. I was full of loneliness and despair.

In MA meetings, I heard people say, “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.” As I worked the Steps with my sponsor, I realized that loving myself was essential to stopping my past destructive behaviors. My negative self-esteem influenced my desire to escape my feelings with marijuana. My sponsor told me that these feelings can also trigger a relapse if they persist. By doing the Steps suggested in MA, I learned how to positively build my self-esteem and my belief in myself. I asked my Higher Power to help me with my recovery; I knew that I couldn’t recover by myself.

With recovery, I have learned that I am OK just the way I am. My Higher Power has unconditional love for me and this love brings me serenity and fulfillment. I want to improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power, so prayer and meditation have become part of my daily routine. I read a daily meditation every morning and I give thanks to my Higher Power every day.

Final thought: Today, my Higher Power leads me to a life of love; loneliness and isolation are no longer a part of my life.