“It is not necessary to acquire a major God Consciousness to cease using. All we need is to maintain an open mind and a hopeful heart. It is not necessary to say yes. It is, however, important to stop saying no.”

– Life with Hope, third edition, page 8

When I came into the program, I thought I understood God pretty well. I was the other side of the coin to those atheists, so sure there was no God. I didn’t know how much alike we were, both sides so convinced we had the truth; end of discussion. It didn’t end there; I wasted a lot of words trying to convince the other side that I was right.

In recovery, I’ve become agnostic—in the best sense of the word. I’ve gained a humility I never thought possible and when the convinced atheist arrives in our fellowship these days, I just shrug. I never get answers to ultimate questions; I get transformed by them. When I open my heart to wonder before the majestic miracle of my universe, marvel at the intelligence of ants with brains smaller than a grain of sand, stand awestruck under the night sky of stars and galaxies spinning out of sight infinitely, it’s hard to believe anyone could possibly have “the answer,” or the words to express it.

This doesn’t make what I see, experience and feel any less real because it can’t fit into a rational framework. It just points out the limits of my language and rational framework before the great mystery of life. What is important about that mystery is not that I understand it or express it or even that I experience it. What is crucial, at a minimum, is that I quit clenching my heart on my denial, and open myself, at last, to that wonder all around me.

Final thought: Today, I will quit saying “no” and I will practice opening my heart and mind to the wonders of life.