“The inventory illuminated patterns of resentment, fear, and selfishness. We started to see their destructiveness. We realized, maybe for the first time, that these patterns were objectionable. Knowing this, we were free to act in new ways that made us happier and even brought joy to those around us.”

– Life with Hope, second edition, page 22

Prior to Step Five, I was aware of the harmful quality of some of my thoughts and behaviors. They were objectionable, but I was unable to see them objectively. Sometimes I viewed this part of my life as one would perceive a garden that had become overrun with weeds. I would be overwhelmed and disgusted, thinking that I had hundreds of weeds that had become one massive, hopeless mess. I used avoidance and kept trying to start over in a new garden; yet the habits would follow to whatever new endeavor I began.

In Step Five my sponsor and I examined, row by row, my inventory. It quickly became clear that the problems I perpetuated could be narrowed down to a handful of common root causes, usually related to fear. I did not have hundreds of issues to address, nor did I have one unique, unsolvable dilemma. Through shining a light on the patterns of my character defects, I also began to realize that some of what I prized as the cash crops of my analogous garden were in fact liabilities, sowing misery. Steps Two and Three told me I didn’t have to tend to this garden alone. In Step Five, with the help of my sponsor, I gained a hopeful, realistic perspective on my recovery landscape. There was still lots of work to do, but this Step provided a new objective view of the task list!

Final thought: Today, before taking any major action, I will pause to ask myself if the motivating factor is faith and service, or if by chance there are seeds of fear or selfishness. If I’m unsure, I’ll bounce the idea off of a trusted third party.