“We learned that the more we could let go of our selfishness and try to carry out what we perceived as God’s will, the more we started to experience serenity in our lives.”

– Life with Hope, third edition, page 31

When I first came to MA and learned that selfishness is a common feature of addicts, I didn’t think that trait applied to me. I always thought of myself as the kind of person who was there for friends and family when they needed help. As I began to look at my history of marijuana use, I started to see that I had prioritized getting high above many other parts of my life, including personal relationships, school, and work. Later in my recovery, as I wrote my Step Four fear inventory, I discovered I had a deep-seated fear of being selfish. In working Steps Six and Seven, I became willing to let the God of my understanding remove my fears.

As I continue to work the Steps and apply them in all aspects of my life, I am more aware of how often my thoughts veer towards self-obsession, which is a painful form of selfishness. I have found a solution to this problem: asking God to steer my life and my thoughts away from myself and towards others whom I can serve. When I become aware of obsessive and/or self-directed thinking, all I have to do is ask my Higher Power to remove these thoughts. I can then reach out to someone I can help, which can be as simple as making a phone call to a fellow addict. I have found that taking these small actions brings me true satisfaction and serenity. I’ve begun to understand that my true will is perfectly aligned with God’s will for my life.

Final thought: Today God, help me to become aware of when my thoughts are self-directed and to ask for your guidance and support to turn my thoughts and actions toward someone I can help.