“We did this even though we may have not felt forgiving. The feeling of forgiveness may come some time after the act of forgiving.”

– Life with Hope, third edition, page 38

Holding on to my resentments slowly consumed my spirit. I formed bricks with each one and stacked them between myself and others. I became convinced that connection only brought pain. I waited for sincere apologies from those who had deeply harmed me. The longer I waited, the longer the hurt remained. Recovery allowed me to see that the holding on was the problem. I was never going to hear what I had hoped; however, it was in my power to release this burden of hate.

Quietly, to myself, I vowed to let these resentments go. At first it didn’t sit well with me. It didn’t feel right after attaching myself to these feelings for so long. As I turned my focus inward and examined the ways that I had contributed to these situations, I began to realize it wasn’t always as black and white as I thought. There was so much gray space to consider. In time, I forgave every person that had hurt me. I began to see their humanity. Their pain had caused them to pass it along to someone else. I knew it had to stop with me. This didn’t mean that I had to allow them all back into my life or to forget what had happened between us.

Instead, I opened myself up to healthy connections knowing they were a necessary component to healing. I learned to create boundaries that allowed me to trust people again while also keeping myself safe. I have faith that this shift in perspective will bring me more joy and contentment than I have ever experienced before.

Final thought: Just for today, I will practice the act of forgiveness even if I don’t feel ready. I have faith that it will feel more genuine in time.