“Many of us have trouble distinguishing between God’s will and self-will.”

– Life with Hope, third edition, page 53

I know that I often struggle with this, distinguishing between what is my Higher Power’s will and what is my own. Many times a thousand thoughts are rushing through my mind: what I need from the grocery store; how I don’t like what someone at work said; frustrations and joys from the relationships in my life; and more. These thoughts are my subconscious mind’s attempt at imposing its will on my life through my thoughts. I am not my thoughts. I am the space between them which holds those thoughts tightly, until they are dealt with in a way that lets them float away into space, away from the front of my mind, either to be forgotten, or to be tucked away somewhere as a memory I might recall later in life. I am not my thoughts or feelings, just as the chalkboard is not the chalk, and the canvas is not the paint.

I have thoughts and feelings, but I am far more than just those thoughts and feelings. The next time I meditate, as I become aware of those scribbles of chalk on my chalkboard mind, I acknowledge them, and try to let them go. I might immediately notice another thought scribbled on my mind, but I let that one go too. The thoughts will still be there later. It may take much practice to simply be the blank slate of the chalkboard, separated from the chalk, but if I am able to connect with the feeling of being the blank canvas, then I too may find better clarity on what is my Higher Power’s will, and what is my own self-will.

Final thought: Today, I will be the canvas, and I will let my Higher Power be the painter.