Written by, Anonymous

I am engaged in a war with a beast that lives inside of me. It is old, born in the garden of Eden, enslaving all addicts. It is no coincidence that the Jewish holiday of Passover fell while I was detoxing, for this holiday celebrates the release of Jews from slavery. I can’t fight this beast alone. I have tried in vain. He has and will win. But there is help. There is God and God’s vessel, the group, and there are the Twelve Steps. With these beside me, the beast will lose. The battle is a daily one. At night he sleeps and in the morning, is strong. I can only ask for a daily reprieve. Twenty-four hours is all I need. That is the life-span of the beast, twenty-four hours. At the end of the day, it is apparent who won, me or the beast. Meeting alone are not enough. Only a conscious contact with God, mixed with a group conscience and a thorough working of the Twelve Steps will do. I see this as a battle and detox as boot camp. There are those who feel that thirty days are enough. They are wrong. There is a boat leaving, I will name it Lady Sobriety. It will take only a handful of us, the willing. It takes strength to row this boat but there is salvation on the other side and a new life. You don’t need a ticket, you just need to get on board, and then you work. Who among us will go to meetings, take commitments and with the steps, all on a daily basis? Who are the weak and who are the strong. Which of us are ready for battle and who dares to do it alone. Not me, for I need help and I know what scares the beast. God, the group, and the Twelve Steps. God save the addict, God save me.

Published in A New Leaf – August 1991