By M. of District 27
For the past 6 years I have struggled to put clean time together, both in and out of the rooms of MA. Every time that April 20th rolls around, I have tried in vain to block out the existence of this once seemingly celebratory day and the memories that it holds. From booking off work or calling in sick to attend local “protests” (a.k.a. excuses to get high in public, prior to the legalization of cannabis in Canada), to days of intense overindulgence amidst my already heavy daily habit, 420 was an annual day of debauchery for nearly 22 years of my life.
Reentering the rooms of Marijuana Anonymous this past August, after a 5-week relapse that left me in the grips of Cannabis Induced Psychosis (CIP), I heard something in a meeting that transformed my experience of recovery: Connection is the opposite of addiction. A power greater than myself spoke through this person’s share and helped me see that leaning into fellowship as well as community is an act of self love. Since then, HP has continued to prove, time and time again, that I gain strength from letting others in. For the first time in my life I am genuinely grateful to be sober and, perhaps most importantly, I am no longer an island.
A fellow recently shared that their experience of recovery has felt like the inverse of the “magic, to medicine, to madness” that they experienced while using. When they showed up to the rooms they were in the depths of despair, but they kept coming back to get their daily reprieve from the insanity of their addiction. Now, they come to the meetings because they find joy in hearing the message and in helping others by sharing their experience, strength, and hope. It struck me as I listened to this share that meetings have become a place of comradery and that sometimes they can even be… dare I say it… fun!
And so, when a call to service came for the annual 420 Soberthon, I knew that there was nowhere else I would rather be on April 20th. The concept of a soberthon is deeply rooted in the 12 Traditions of Marijuana Anonymous, which I feel increasingly connected to as the fog of cannabis fades. Surrendering to the reality that my personal recovery depends upon MA unity and on the primary purpose of carrying the message to marijuana addicts who have the desire to stop using means that I can stay clean, one day (or hour) at a time, by showing up and sharing the gift of recovery that has been so freely given to me.
And I plan to do just that on 420. Not only will the Soberthon be a place to practice the principles of the program and add incredible skills to my recovery toolbox, it will also be a place to celebrate the parts of my life that are made exponentially better by being clean! From joining fellows in fostering a deeper meditation practice and finding hope in listening to longtimer shares, to the merriment of the talent show, pet pageant, and karaoke dance party, I can’t wait to connect with fellows from around the world who are gathered with a singleness of purpose.
By and large, while this day was so long marked by dazed self-destruction, I am thrilled to see it through new eyes as an opportunity to cultivate my connection to this community that is essential to freedom from the frenzy of addiction. So for anyone who, like me, has run from April 20th like Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark, trying to evade a giant rolling boulder made up of every ounce of pot they have ever smoked (cue detox nightmare reel), join the Soberthon and let’s reclaim 420 in recovery!
