By, Fiona M.

As I have come into Steps 10 and 11, with a solid daily meditation practice and my Step 3 prayer, and my Step 5 and 7 prayer (which changes every day), I think that I have found the root of my problem.

The thing which I suffered from the most in active addiction, which stole my life-force, was my obsession. 

Marijuana was always on my mind. The most important thing in my life.

Without it, I find my mind replacing it, with other obsessive objects. Something that I can think of, which my mind wishes to spin a fantasy of pleasure upon, that lifts me momentarily out of my daily life and out of a place of mindfulness, and presence. 

If I substitute this thought, this desired object, with an image of a fantastical world —I tried a fluffy pink marshmallow world 🙂 — from below up pops my inner child, needing love and care and attention.

I realise that in my obsessive thoughts, I am looking for something outside of myself which I can only find within.

As an adult, only I can give my inner child– the wounded/neglected feeling part of myself which was shut away in childhood—  the self protection, the love, and the care that they need.

On this day I give myself the love that only I can give.

Published in A New Leaf – February 2025