What I Didn’t Do

two women holding hands

Written by, Julie A.

Weed once felt like a soft landing — a cushion for my racing mind, a bridge out of loneliness. But over time, the cushion smothered me. Nights blurred into smoke, mornings into fog. I thought I was escaping, but really I was erasing myself.

My wife held me through it, even as the haze built walls between us. She has known more than her share of pain. And when I disappeared into weed, it was as if I abandoned her to carry both our burdens. Love deserves presence, and I was absent.

Someone in a meeting said, “Alcoholics regret what they did. Marijuana addicts regret what they didn’t do.” That line pierced me. I saw all the moments I’d let pass by — conversations unsaid, laughter unfelt, love unattended.

Recovery is where I begin doing again. Showing up. Speaking up. Holding her hand with clear eyes and an open heart.

Published in A New Leaf – February 2026

More Articles

  • Breath of Fresh Air

    Written By, Jules M. While meditating one day, I had a realization… I wasn’t craving cannabis, I was really craving a deep breath and the relief that accompanies it. In active using, I was constantly doing breathing practices. I would take the biggest inhale I could, hold in my breath, take a couple more sips…

    Breath of Fresh Air
  • Heard in a Meeting

    Even if I don’t get this, I may still get something.

    Heard in a Meeting
  • Sober Bell Rock

    Written By Tiffany A. Sober Bell, Sober Bell, Sober Bell RockSober bells bling andSober bells ringAbstaining while cravingAnd fighting the urgeT’is the sign that it’s time to purgeAll of the bongs and roaches you storedParaphernalia, regalia too…Sober from doja’s the Number 1 doorFor your life anew! What a bright time What a right time To write resentments down Such…

    Sober Bell Rock
  • The 12 Step Questions Mash-Up

    Written By Rich C. Is my life unmanageable? Am I powerless over marijuana? Who is God? Who is my Higher Power? Do I now believe or am I open to believing? Can I turn my will and my life over to the care of this God, that I do not truly understand? Can I take…

    The 12 Step Questions Mash-Up
  • Personal Story

    Written By Jess A. I started smoking pot my freshman year of high school. I was an off and on smoker for 40 years. When I was on, I was on. As time progressed and weed got stronger, quitting became more challenging and my ability to live a normal life got harder and harder. I…

    Personal Story
  • Heard in a Meeting

    Published By A New Leaf – December 2025

    Heard in a Meeting