Looking Up

Looking up through oak and pine branches into a clear blue morning sky, with a pale half moon visible

Written by, Anonymous

When I was high
I looked up at the stars
Each time I pulled in
On that little pipe that got clogged up
And then I cleaned it with alcohol
Boil it in saltwater
Boiling cloves cinnamon and nutmeg to try to cover up the smell
Dumping the boiling water in the alley of the back patio

I miss looking up at the stars every day
But I do not miss burning my finger with a crappy lighter
And coughing and hacking up a storm at the quietest moment
In the theater

I do not miss carrying around green mints in my pocket to pop
Them in when my throat would start to tingle
I do not miss hacking up loogies in the sink each morning and eve when I brushed my teeth

I do not miss the hazy gaze and foggy way I looked at people
Avoiding conversations and exiting early
I always exited early

I do not miss feeling shame for the smell of weed on my breath
Or my red bloodshot eyes
I do not miss that mary jane- that made me delusional and in a private bubble of shame
Stuck in time
Looking at the stars and the full moon

Today I look up to the stars
The trees and the blue sky
I inhale deeply and exhale
Weed free

Published in A New Leaf – September 2026

More Articles

  • An Awakening

    Written by, Anonymous All men are not created equal.This truth had slapped me blind,In it’s evil way; By its own design.Enter God’s will and now I see.To see this truth is relief, although unpleasant.Why me? Should I be given this burden…This sickness which knows not compromise.God’s will? His message of chance to my soul?Learn to…

    An Awakening
  • Letters to the Editor

    Written by, Sally Dear MA: My son, Dave, is one of you, and I want to send each of you my love and support, and thanks, for giving of yourselves. He feels he owes his sobriety and life to you – I know I have my son back, but even better than before. He and…

    Letters to the Editor
  • Out of the Woods

    Written by, Anonymous Until I went on the MA Campout, I hadn’t realized I’d completely forgotten something very special. How the rhythm of the waves crashing on the beach make me feel alive and a part of something grand. The ocean has a permanence to it. The ocean, like God, has always been there, only…

    Out of the Woods
  • Surrender

    Written by, Anonymous In reality, there is only one thing you dread: letting yourself fall, taking the step beyond all the securities that exist.  And whosoever surrenders himself one single time, whoever has practiced the great act of confidence and entrusted himself to fate, is liberated.  He no longer obeys the laws of earth; he…

    Surrender
  • Addicts on Wheels

    Written by, Brian K. As the sun played hide and seek with the low level clouds hovering over the Southland, a group of MA members gathered in the parking lot of Venice Beach for District Six’s first scheduled bicycle ride on September 21st. Packing lunches and water bottles, the riders pumped up their tires, strapped…

    Addicts on Wheels
  • GREEN DRAGON

    Written by, Joel I find I must be wary of dragonsBecause some are recognizable,And some are notOnce in my youthA green oneCame alongChameleon-like with charmBreathed his vapors on meAnd smelling their sweetnessI rode with scaley scaley visionsReplacing all of my dreamsWith empty drago smokeI couldn’t seeThat under the tie dye and love beadsA sinister reptile…

    GREEN DRAGON