Where am I, and why am I here?

someone driving down a road with their arm out the window feeling the wind

Written by, Richard J.

At first, I was only here because the Secretary of State has sent me here for the process of getting my driver’s license back. But my first session was a real eye-opener. I learned that my addiction was actually worse than I thought. I was nervous and a little scared of having to go through this, but as time goes on, I have realized my addiction has had me in a cycle of isolation and that is no way to live as I am not getting any younger.

Have my feelings changed since my assessment? Yes, I am actually excited for this change and have been feeling way better about myself. I have even reconnected with a few loved ones that I never would have thought I would talk to again, and I am very grateful for this experience. I am learning and meeting my true self. I just want to be a better role model for my younger family members, and also be here for people in the moment, especially my wonderful wife. Surprisingly I am also finding myself not getting as mad and frustrated at my job as well.

I am tired of wasting time and money on something that truly does not benefit me in any way. I have realized how powerless I am to this addiction. I am thankful for the support I have received from my loved ones and my new M.A. fellowship. I am learning that loving myself is very important. I have even started eating healthier and as a result I have even lost like fifteen to twenty pounds just from changing my diet which was not ever possible while I was getting high.

I just want to live life with the privilege of being able to drive legally again, and in doing so I will not be so isolated anymore. Not to mention being a safe and responsible driver on the road. I do plan to stay off any mind-altering substances for as long as I can do that, because if I don’t do that, I will most likely repeat the same cycle all over again, and this journey will have been for absolutely nothing.

In closing, thank you for changing my life.

P.S. My M.A. fellowship is proudly my new addiction. Love you all

Published in A New Leaf – October 2026

More Articles

  • This Tune Shall Pass

    By, Jesse P. It started out as one teenaged wishthe click of a lighterand turned into a lifeIt was excitingand floating from the groundcame the laughter and the closeness I needed to have somehowyou turned into a danger from someone I held so close, I don’t knowbut it was time for you to go Oh…

    This Tune Shall Pass
  • Dear Cannabis Sativa

    By, Melissa H. Dear Cannabis Sativa,We were introduced by a cool, blond-haired rebel girl from Colorado. I was a 15-year old flatlander from Pennsylvania who had never even heard of you. I took to you because you elevated fun to a new level. I hadn’t known that fun was smokable. You made rolling over on…

    Dear Cannabis Sativa
  • Depression and the Twelve Steps

    By, Carol M. I am an addict and a depressive. I wish I were manic depressive, but I have never experienced the up, just the down. Getting to the “almost OK” has been a struggle all my life. My first attempt at suicide was at eleven. Depression is a disease. In many ways it’s like…

    Depression and the Twelve Steps
  • Thought of the Month

    “Life, Itself, Is The Proper Binge.” – Julia C. Published in A New Leaf – February 1991

    Thought of the Month
  • Break-Up Letter

    By Vinnie C. Dear Mary Jane, We are now broken up, retroactive to Dec. 29th, 2024. It’s not you. It’s me. Let me explain. When we first met back in February of 2004, you absolutely rocked my world. I’ll never forget that first time, smoking with a shady Russian guy in a New Jersey college…

    Break-Up Letter
  • The Birth of a Sobriety Baby: A Man’s Labor Story

    By T Money Nine months in, and Justin was glowing— Not from booze, not from weed, not from anything flowing. He’d been carrying this thing, deep in his soul, A sobriety baby—his life’s new goal. At first, it was easy, just a little bloat, Some cravings, some mood swings, but he stayed afloat. Then came…

    The Birth of a Sobriety Baby: A Man’s Labor Story