From Magic to Misery

Written by, Adam K.

This isn’t working for me anymore.

At first, every time felt like fireworks.
You showed me the secrets of the universe—
so many insights,
creativity blooming,
getting lost in thought,
enhancing the senses,
unearthing emotions,
recalling past memories…
Spending more and more time with you
and less and less time with people I loved.
I couldn’t live without you.
But I’m not that person anymore.

Every time I’m with you now
I feel anxious, paranoid,
grief-stricken, and stuck in the past.
I become consumed by you,
obsessed with the idea that I’ll feel the way
I used to feel with you.
But I never do.
It only leads me down
a risky, dangerous path.
I start to overeat,
filling myself compulsively
but never feeling full.
I waste countless hours and
countless dollars on you
with no return on my investment.

The insights are long gone,
my creativity stifled,
trapped in the past, consumed by
guilt, shame, and negative thinking,
distracted, forgetful,
miserable and unmotivated,
caught in a hellish loop.

So this is it.
I’m done with you.
Over the years I loved you so much—
You were the missing piece I longed for.
But the hard truth is
you never loved me back.
You seduced me
and over time
broke me down.
Now I feel like a shell of a human.

I need to rebuild myself.
I need to heal.
I need to recover.
And I need to end this toxic relationship to do that.

Goodbye,
and good riddance.
Man sitting on edge of bench, holding his head in his hands

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