“In the instant that we faced our fears, we began to overcome them.”

– Life with Hope, first edition, page 19

Coming into the recovery process, I felt burdened by a seemingly unshakable sense of shame. I could no longer turn to marijuana for anesthetization and without the haze of marijuana, I had to face the wreckage that my prior actions/inactions had caused. I was flooded with memories of how I had put my addiction above all else. I had squandered my education, stolen money from friends, and engaged in dangerous situations in order to score. I married a fellow drug addict to ensure that my marijuana use would never be challenged, and I cheated on him without a second thought when he restricted my supply. How could I have fallen so far from my values? I had lost my integrity and the thought of making a searching and fearless moral inventory felt daunting.

Fortunately, not one of us must face this challenge alone. Through ongoing commitment to working with my sponsor, I was able to face these fears and dig into my past with support; I can lance fear and shame in order to find healing. “We are only as sick as our secrets.” Today I can look at my character defects as challenges–opportunities for furthering my spiritual evolution and movement towards my authentic self. No one is perfect–the only thing I must do is be aware of my words and actions thereby keeping “my side of the street clean.”

Final thought: Today I give myself grace. Our Higher Power is always with us, waiting for us to be ready for “relief from these burdens of self.”