“We humbly accepted who we had been, and who we were becoming.”

– Life with Hope, first edition, page 45

When I was using, I hid behind a mask. Smoking marijuana was a secret that I kept from others. On the outside, I thought that I looked like a “normal” person, but inside I hid my demons. I had a lot of fear and this fear helped to create my mask and keep it in place. I thought that I could protect my inner self. I thought that this mask would prevent others from seeing my suffering. I was smiling even though I was suffering from depression, because I didn’t want anyone to know how unhappy I was. I thought that smoking marijuana would let me forget about my troubles. I thought that I felt better when I was high.

In recovery, I found out that these thoughts and feelings were a delusion. Smoking marijuana had only intensified my depression. By trying to escape my negative feelings, they only worsened. I was afraid of rejection but I found the courage to let go of my mask. With my recovery, I am able to accept myself just the way I am. I have learned that I am lovable; my Higher Power loves me. I have learned that I don’t have to hide my feelings; I can be seen as my true self.

Final thought: I don’t need a mask anymore; I can let the real me shine through.through.