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“Although many of us came to the fellowship already believing in the existence of a Higher Power, we doubted that it would be of help since it had not helped us to stay clean before.”
– Life with Hope, second edition, page 8
I had a Higher Power dating back to childhood, but it never helped me stay sober for long. There was a major flaw in my old relationship with this force. My lifelong concept of a Higher Power had a transcendent foundation in love, reality, and immutable laws of cause and effect. However, this was eclipsed by actions stemming from unexamined beliefs. I assumed my Higher Power was like an executive locked away from me in a top floor suite, disinterested unless I was far greater than all my human competition.
I had little acceptance or love of the present moment, as I believed only severe self-discipline and guile would gain me a promotion that would mainly come after death. I was to blame for my suffering because I had not manifested properly through my own thinking or metaphysical willpower. I had to be clever to unlock the gates of happiness. I needed the perfect balance of caffeine and THC.
In retrospect I have to say, that was a lot of pressure to put on myself. I treated life like it was an escape room! No wonder I made escapism my Higher Power. To begin my recovery, I had to separate my own precious plans for perfection from the Higher Power that could restore me to sanity.
Final thought: Today, I will reflect on the difference between my scheming intellect and a power greater than myself. I will do the best I can in all my actions, but then let mother nature do the rest.
Living Every Day with Hope – Copyright © 2025 Marijuana Anonymous World Services. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of the publisher. Marijuana Anonymous groups have been granted limited permission to quote Living Every Day with Hope.
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