“Then one of those nights hit when I ran out of pot. I was climbing the walls. I went crazy. I called everyone I knew to score even a roach. I remember one night driving 39 miles in a bad storm to get a half a joint from a complete stranger just to get through the night. I remember calling my dealer every hour on the hour to see if it had come in yet. I bought pot from people I normally wouldn’t have even talked to much less done business with. What had happened to me? I thought I was using because I wanted to. Now I found that I was using because I had to. I had become an addict!”

– I’m Not an Addict, Life with Hope, second edition, page 147

For so long I did not want to believe I was a marijuana addict. I could not accept that I was powerless over marijuana. I remember sharing at a rehab that I would give up alcohol, and “drugs” but that I would never stop using marijuana. Needless to say, I did not get sober at that point. When I smoke marijuana it leads me right back to alcohol and other drugs. Yes, I’m a cross-addict! When I am smoking pot, I’m not living life! I don’t want to work. I don’t want to be social. I’m not there for my family, my friends, or anyone! I just want to live in my privately defined world, my couch, the TV, and a big bag of weed.

I am powerless over marijuana in all its forms. My life is not like that today. Most mornings when I wake up I feel good and ready to face my day, but when I don’t, I get up anyway. I suit up and I show up. I am there for my family. I show up for work. I have many friends, especially sober friends. I enjoy life clean!

Final thought: Today, I will acknowledge my powerlessness. I will not use, and I will help another addict.