“We addicts have a dangerous tendency to self-medicate.”
– Dangers of Cross Addiction, MA pamphlet
In recovery, I encounter many new people with lots of new ideas, and hear many stories about how to negotiate this new path. It can feel overwhelming and seem unattainable. I am offered many suggestions and loving support. I try to accept these gifts as I build momentum one day at a time. It is hard to let go of old patterns. Sometimes, I am subconsciously holding onto a marked card: a hidden urge to act out in some other way. These urges can end up surfacing later as flirtations with alcohol, overeating, use of other drugs or behaviors that are unhealthy. This is referred to as keeping one foot out the door.
My relapses on pot can happen as a response to family, work, or relationship issues that push me over my stress limits. Sadness, anger, fear, loneliness, or other emotions overcome me and I am unable or not willing to process the pain. As an addict, I have spent years fulfilling my desires with instant gratification but that is not a viable option now. When feelings push and pull me apart, my mental state is at risk. These triggers can sneak up on me before I am consciously aware of them. This is the time to call a friend or sponsor, take a walk or just attempt to feel the feelings, and let time work its magic. I do not have to suffer in isolation or punish myself.
Final thought: Today, I will feel my feelings and be aware of triggers that may sidetrack me.
