“What we learned is that recovery from addiction requires resources beyond the capacity of any one individual addict.”

– Life with Hope, third edition, page 9

I used marijuana in isolation. When I was with others for work or socially, I couldn’t wait to get back home to smoke. I was impatient and not fully present with others or in what I was doing. Even with smoking friends, I preferred to use alone, at a high enough level to maintain the insulation from feelings. Isolating myself ever further from deep, meaningful relationships, I hid out in my garage alone.

Hearing the stories and feelings described by other addicts in meetings was the first time, in a long time, that I felt close to other human beings in a way that wasn’t superficial. In my first weeks of sobriety, I attended between two and four meetings a day. Now, I still attend one or two meetings a day. I attend a book study group and online fellowship. I laugh and cry and call fellows. I feel empathy and compassion for others. I have service positions in several meetings.

Helping and being helped by other addicts, the fellowship is now doing for me what I could not do for myself. As I work the Steps, I am discovering the nearness and comfort of learning where I end and my Higher Power takes over. Only during this clean time have I felt the depth of God in the faces, voices, and words of my fellows. I am so grateful that Marijuana Anonymous is here for us.

Final thought: Today, I will attend an MA meeting to feel connected with other addicts, to be of service, and to grow in sobriety.