“At the end I was just smoking to stop the craving. Even though smoking pot wasn’t fun, I couldn’t stop.”

– A Slave to Marijuana, Life with Hope, third edition, page 100

I started smoking “for fun” when I was 21. I eventually became a daily smoker—and eventually would have to push myself to not smoke before work. I was surrounded by people who believed and advocated that weed was a good thing. I was a pretty functional, moderately successful stoner. Everything seemed OK from my point of view—despite my emotional, social, and relational turmoil. When I was about 30 I wanted to quit and realized I couldn’t. I found that it had power over me and that I was addicted. I figured if you want to quit something and can’t, you’re addicted. If you say “I don’t want to do this” and within 24 hours (or sometimes minutes), you’re doing it again, I’d say that’s addiction. For seven years I tried to quit. Sometimes I’d be successful in going handfuls of months, and almost a year without it, but somehow I’d start again. I would be hooked again and would have to try to dig myself back out of addiction again.

Thank God for Marijuana Anonymous. I have had the most success in giving up weed, giving up alcohol, bettering my relationships, my behavior and my life through MA and the 12 Steps. I’m learning to recognize those feelings and triggers that previously made me want to smoke. I remember the many times when I smoked to relieve an emotion—only to have my emotional situation go the opposite way than I wanted. With the 12 Steps and MA, I’m finding healthy and more helpful ways to solve my problems—instead of numbing them down.

Final thought: God, help me to remember that if I smoke, weed will have total power over me again. I want to walk this recovery life with You and with my MA fellows.