“Our suffering shows us that we need to let go absolutely.”
– How It Works, Life with Hope, third edition, page 193
I was a slave to marijuana. Pot chilled me out, but when I couldn’t get high, I was aggressive, angry, and abusive to people I loved. I pushed people away and isolated myself. I used my so-called friends to keep getting high. I broke the law. I spent embarrassing amounts of money and time on getting pot, smoking pot, and avoiding anything that got in the way of getting high. I was hedonistic and selfish. When I first came to the rooms, I was filled with guilt and shame. I was convinced that I would be rejected for my behavior because I had rejected myself.
Fortunately, I found a sponsor and started to work the Steps and share my secrets. The more I opened up and continued to be welcomed back, the more I learned to trust others. Today, I don’t just have freedom from my addiction to pot; I have freedom from the shame and guilt that overwhelmed me and kept me isolated from others. I have freedom from the “bondage of self.” I still struggle with shame but I know that I have come a long way, even if I still have a lot to learn. If I can be grateful for the freedom recovery has given me, I can have hope that a little more freedom will shine through, if I am willing to work and wait.
Final thought: Today, I am grateful for how far I’ve come and I know I still have a long way to go.
