“Some of the greatest pleasure and privilege in service comes from sponsorship.”

– Life with Hope, first edition, page 65

I had tried for many years to control my using. I could control my using for periods of time but eventually I would find myself back into that terrible cycle. When I approached my sponsor, I felt that if I wanted this to work, I had to be honest with her. She was hard-core, old-school and it was exactly what I needed. I had been lying for so long that even I believed my stories and excuses. I had a hard time trusting people but for some reason I trusted her.

She taught me to be on time and do what I said I was going to do. She showed me that this was an illness; not a “good person/bad person” thing. She told me that my feelings would not kill me but my actions were what counted. She let me know that esteemable acts brought about self-esteem. She acknowledged there was a lot of unfairness in the world but seeing myself as a victim would not serve me nor my spiritual growth. After a while, I learned to listen without judgment in the meetings and also to listen to what I was telling myself.

I have had the privilege of sponsoring many women and some stayed, some returned, some became like a healthy family. We laugh at things that normal folks might find appalling. We carry each other through tough times by knowing that we are truly lucky to have left our old ways behind; one day at a time.

Final thought: Today, I support my program by staying in close contact with others who have recovery as their primary purpose.