October 16th – The God Hole

“Step Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

– Life with Hope, first edition, page 5

Early in recovery I heard a number of stories about how we addicts try over and over to fill in for something missing in our lives. I felt empty. There’s a hole in my heart; and I tried to fill that hole with pot, alcohol, food, sex, or any number of substances and activities. I came to understand both that the hole was unfathomable and that only a belief in a power greater than myself could relieve my cravings. It came to be known as the “God hole.” My constant desire for love, identity, and self-satisfaction could be fulfilled in spiritual connection. “Coming to believe” is a process. I feel that this is illustrated in a story I read that says:

I walk down the street and fall into a deep hole in the sidewalk. I feel lost and helpless but it isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street and although I pretend not to see it, I fall into the same hole again. I can’t believe I am in the same place but it isn’t my fault. It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street and I see a deep hole in the sidewalk. I still fall in. It is a habit. This time my eyes are open and I know where I am. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street. There is a hole in the sidewalk but this time I walk around it.
I walk down another street.

Paraphrased from Autobiography in Five Chapters by Portia Nelson, 2012 edition

Final thought: Today, I’m guided by Higher Power on the road to recovery.