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Doin’ What Feels Good
Written by, Dave K.
I have always had difficulty understanding how and why people don’t do a lot of what feels good. In other words, when I first began smoking pot, it felt very good, so I did it a lot. Sex is the same thing. It feels good, so I do it – and do it a lot. I understand now, though, that too much of anything can be harmful, whether it is sex, drugs, or rock-n-roll. Sobriety to me means many things. It means finding a healthy balance in life. That goes for all aspects of life too. It is not easy, but it is simple. Believe it or not, human beings are extremely complex things. Our minds are soo powerful that sometimes I think they are more powerful than any drug. Smoking marijuana allowed me to remain on the same level, even the few occasions that I was sober (during my using years). I found myself on almost the same, dull level I was on when I was stoned. For a long, long time though, I seemed to enjoy the level.
Today, the levels I encounter are dealt with up front, sober. Actually, I couldn’t face life today (the way I have for the past 28 months) without being sober. I feel many, many feelings today… and I love it! Sometimes, I feel feelings I have never felt before or I don’t understand why I feel certain feelings, but I am very grateful, happy and accepting of the fact that I do feel. When I was stone, I thought I felt, but I didn’t. Today I feel, sometimes even too much, but I’d rather feel too much that not feel at all. I’d rather be in love, have my heart broken, almost kill myself and recovery than to never have love. That’s my honest opinion!
I have been sober and on a recovery road ever since my first MA meeting. I felt (and do feel) accepted, loved unconditionally and supported, even in my first meeting. I love life and life, to me, is not real unless I’m sober. My sobriety is based quite a bit on Marijuana Anonymous. Therefore, MA and life go hand in hand.
I hope all of you that are reading this just accept things and facts for the way they are, there’s usually a meaning for it! For me, acceptance is the key. Don’t be shy and don’t get high, no matter what. I love people. Love, Dave K.
Published in A New Leaf – June 1991
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