By, Ras M.

I have really come to embrace being a Sponsor. It was only a year and a half ago that the idea gave me the heebeegeebees. I’d already had a few not so great experiences with newcomers who would reach out in inappropriate ways. It’s been a journey of fortifying my own boundaries, allowing myself to accept that another can love, listen, and trust me, and the world won’t fall apart–that I am not solely responsible for another’s recovery or relapse. And of course, the amount of times knowing those people were out there, has saved me from cravings, potential relapse, and stupid behavior more times than I can count. It’s like they say, we keep each other sober!

The invitation to put an asterisk by our name is a big one. I know that I had to first feel solid enough in my own recovery before setting out into the deep waters, having my own life jacket on as securely as possible, before tossing one to another. I prepared myself by doing sponsor-adjacent activities, such as leading meetings, taking on service positions, speaking and sharing my ESH (experience, strength, and hope), and talking to newcomers after meetings. It allowed me to become more comfortable with fellowship, seeing myself make a difference for the newcomer, and improve my listening skills with others.

Being a Sponsor has added an extra dimension to my life. In the absence of having children, it makes me happy to know that there would be people who would be sad when I pass, and share stories and quotes of things I said. I do this with my sponsors, quoting them often, drawing on their wise words almost daily, whether they’re with us or have passed on.

As I walk along this wild and wonderful journey, all I can do is the next right thing. For in the words of my very first sponsor, the beloved Carol R. – may she rest in peace – “We don’t go backwards, Honey. We don’t go backwards.”

Published in A New Leaf – February 2025