My Recovery!

By Ernest W.

I smoked cannabis (marijuana) for 20 years. I went into a partial hospitalization program, attended a few hours a day of a 12-step structured program with other support classes, and received education about addiction, and confessed my problem. I got a referral to Marijuana Anonymous. I had thought smoking several times a day was too much and that it was affecting me. I thought I could quit using “pot.” I was sure it was affecting my life: work, family, hobbies, and my education.

I thought I would go to meetings, listen and learn. I would learn what to do, how to do recovery, and I would examine my life. Not using cannabis was okay. It was not a bad thing for me to quit. I went to meetings, I listened. I heard about others’ thinking and behaviors around their use of marijuana. They know! They smoked as much as I did, like I did. I heard some thinking and behavioral dysfunction. I believed that some of these people were sick. I kept going to meetings, I realized some of my thinking and behaviors just may have been sick also. I earned a chair in these rooms. I was certain that I belonged. I traveled from North Orange County CA for 30 miles to the beach just to attend a favorite meeting. I thought I would write down on paper things to help myself, maybe family dysfunction, problems in my behaviors and choices that I made. I thought I could look at myself psychologically, in a small way. I could write these things down on paper and get just an idea.

I was part of a group, we saw problems and difficulties, people changing and overcoming some things in their lives. I heard there was a district service committee meeting and I attended, with a friend just to see. They were all part of this group, our district. I shared at meetings, I talked to people after the meetings. They seemed to understand, and that helped me. In the program the promises I believed, I believed at the very beginning. I had hope, and the hope in my recovery was very important to me. I heard people doing things, relating to their sponsors, talking with them and the 12 Steps. The group would do events and camp-outs. They would all socialize. I saw members with different amounts of recovery time, get better in their personal lives, overcoming problems and changing. Their overcoming, their different experiences gave back to the group. The readings were from our A.A. “Father” group of people that went through the program. “We Admitted…” It is a “WE” program. Watching the home group, I experienced the dynamics of people recovering, being a part of the group, and socializing. I got a commitment at a meeting and that kept me coming back.

A sponsor is someone who assists a person in going through all the 12 Steps. I had a good view of myself and my past. A sponsor was someone who has another viewpoint, of all my behaviors, all the thinking and feelings and deeds that I did. “My best thinking got me into these rooms” I did not like hearing that, but it was true. Another opinion— another recovered addict’s opinion— was better than my notes on my past, some problems, some thinking, some action, and some things that I had done.

My knowing told me I needed help, I needed to attend meetings, and to try to learn from them. It became a “We” program. By attending meetings, socializing with the group, watching people in the home group overcome things, “we” changed.

If you share, you are giving back. I volunteered and had a commitment to a group. A sponsor helped me, not my thoughts, or opinion of myself. A sponsor can be someone in a “Group” meeting. Others have gone before, others will follow, “We” recover!! I am part of a group meeting: I took commitments to a group, I shared within the group, My sponsor was in my home meeting, he helped my recovery. I sponsored someone who wanted the program. We all socialized. We all shared, learned, and changed within a group of people. I had to stop and think, “It was my Sobriety/Recovery?” I am grateful to everyone.

Thank You! -“E Boogie”