Written By Gwynedd T.
Hello there old friend,
It’s been about a month since we last spoke. I’ve been thinking about you lately. I remember the first time we met. You scalded my throat and burned me from within, coating my mind and heart with a false sense of security. You made me feel like I could finally be myself around other people. But you were a fair weather friend and your qualities eventually rubbed off on me as I became less and less reliable to those I loved. You tricked me into thinking I had control when in reality, you had grabbed my reins when I took the first sip. You led me into a path of destruction, and convinced me it wasn’t your fault. I now see you for the liar and manipulator you really are and must respectfully say goodbye. It’s not you, it’s me.
As sips turned into puffs, I thought I had found “the one”. I believed you, cannabis, were my soulmate. We coyly courted each other and tiptoed the line between friend and lover. I let you move in and gave you everything I had whenever you came asking. I defended you from the start. Whenever anyone bad-mouthed you, I had your back. You made me feel like I was better than everyone else because of the special relationship we shared.
What started off as love became toxic. Ill with the sickness of egotism, isolation, and abuse. You left me resenting the world, making sure you were the only one who could comfort me. When I tried to take a step back, you came in through the cracks in my doors like an evil green mist and sunk your claws deeper into my soul. You left me feeling ungrateful for my life and used me to spread your seed, water your soil, and provide artificial light for you. In return for my efforts you turned that compact fluorescent glow into artificial enlightenment and spat your lies at me. You hurt me like I never thought anyone could. You made me feel weak and alone. You had me right where you wanted me. Like a prisoner with Stockholm Syndrome, you kept me tortured and trapped and all I ever wanted was to please you.
It is time for me to say goodbye now. You can no longer treat me like your bitch because I have learned that I am strong, loving, compassionate, intelligent, connected, and wild without you. I will no longer be fooled by your deceptive green mist. I’ve lived behind your green-tinted lens for too long. It’s time for me to take those glasses off for good and be the woman God intends me to be. I thank God for the good times and the bad times we shared, for they have made me stronger in my faith and who I am today, but our chapter together is now over. As I say goodbye to the self-doubt, insecurity, egotism, and fear that we shared, I say hello to a life filled with God’s grace and gratitude for each moment. Thanking God for each day, knowing that with a clear body, mind, and heart, I will be able to receive the divine messages I need in order to be the best woman I can be.
Sincerely,
Gwynedd T
P.S. (A note to psychedelics)
“Now those psychedelic years seem far away; I neither miss them nor regret them. Drugs can clear away the past, enhance the present; toward the inner garden they can only point the way. Lacking the temper of ascetic discipline, the drug vision remains a sort of dream that cannot be brought over into daily life. Old mists may be banished, that is true, but the alien chemical agent forms another mist, maintaining the separation of the “I” from the true experience of the One.” -Peter Matthiessen, The Snow Leopard
