What I Didn’t Do

two women holding hands

Written by, Julie A.

Weed once felt like a soft landing — a cushion for my racing mind, a bridge out of loneliness. But over time, the cushion smothered me. Nights blurred into smoke, mornings into fog. I thought I was escaping, but really I was erasing myself.

My wife held me through it, even as the haze built walls between us. She has known more than her share of pain. And when I disappeared into weed, it was as if I abandoned her to carry both our burdens. Love deserves presence, and I was absent.

Someone in a meeting said, “Alcoholics regret what they did. Marijuana addicts regret what they didn’t do.” That line pierced me. I saw all the moments I’d let pass by — conversations unsaid, laughter unfelt, love unattended.

Recovery is where I begin doing again. Showing up. Speaking up. Holding her hand with clear eyes and an open heart.

Published in A New Leaf – February 2026

More Articles

  • A Prayer for Human Strength (Sin Eater)

    By, Jeanninne P. A prayer for human strength (Sin Eater): restrain my holiness, sustain my humanity, may my flaws be my sustenance, consecrated by my forgiveness. I forgive all my sins, till I eat them again. Published in A New Leaf – May 2025

    A Prayer for Human Strength (Sin Eater)
  • Why I Keep Coming Back

    Written by, Thia L. I’m an addict. I’m also a “chronic relapser.” Sometimes in meetings I joke that “I’m the poster child to keep coming back.” It’s not really a joke. I’ve been coming back to the rooms over and over for the past 12 and a 1/2 years. I can’t count the number of…

    Why I Keep Coming Back
  • Heard in a Meeting

    “When I smoked, my problems would have puppies.” – Anonymous Published in A New Leaf – May 2025

    Heard in a Meeting
  • Counting the Days

    Artwork by Alan C. Published in A New Leaf – January 2016

    Counting the Days
  • Remember Me?

    Written by Cassie C. Remember me?We met at a party.When I was much younger.You were my best friend.Always there to lift my up.Always there to make me laugh.Always there to help me not care, Nor to cry:I was always the life of the party.You numbed me from reality.From the hurt, and pain inside.You made me…

    Remember Me?
  • “Puff” Piece for 420 Soberthon

    By Ras M. of District 27 I used to smoke to stop time. I just needed a pause – from the oncoming crazy, and my subsequent flooding of anxiety. Of course, there would be the crazy again, 5 hours later. When I stopped smoking, I found it challenging to fill large chunks of time in…

    “Puff” Piece for 420 Soberthon