“Our complete surrender and a new way of life were essential to our recovery.”

– Life with Hope, second edition, page 4

I remember feeling so fearful when I faced the task of actually quitting pot. What would happen? It felt like I was stepping into the abyss. Would I be cradled by some invisible force? How will I be able to sleep? By the time I finally quit for good, after years of relapse after relapse, I had faced these fears over and over. On my own, I had lasted for maybe 30 days until I smashed head-on into feelings with which I couldn’t sit. My marriage and career were at risk, and my emotional state was teetering on collapse.

Since arriving in MA, I have been supported and included by my loving fellows and am never alone. They loved me until I was able to love myself. By admitting that my addiction was out of control, I gained the confidence to surrender my will to my understanding of a loving God. When I was plagued by recurring internal false narratives, I learned how to slow down the mental onslaught and turn down the volume. I realized that my guilty obsession over my perceived failed potential was merely self-imposed emotional blackmail. I started letting go of my long-held system of self-sabotage.

In MA, I learned a new language and began a new way of living. In a short amount of time I felt relief, and the urge to use pot was lifted. I began to do service and stayed with it. I find that I receive more in return than I give, which is a reason to continue to serve.

Final thought: Today, I will watch and listen for God’s will for me.