“We took a stride towards wisdom.we gained a tool, which we could use to take an objective look at ourselves. With the help and counsel of another person, we could confirm our findings. We used our human faculties, the counsel of another human being, and our relationship with a Higher Power to be born anew. This was the beginning of the experience of self-acceptance.”

– Life with Hope, third edition, page 23

Before recovery, if you would have asked me if I was honest with myself, I would’ve said yes to you, but inwardly screamed no. I never really enjoyed looking at the dirty, grimy, unpleasant parts of myself. I thought I would implode if I had. I thought it would just be too painful. I’d have to own just how disappointed I was with those parts, how ashamed of them I was.

As I move into the new year and complete another chapter of my recovery, I can look at myself in the mirror with curiosity rather than disdain. I can acknowledge those parts that terrified me, rather than curse them. I can hug the little girl inside me and cry tears because instead of berating her for what she’s done or felt, I’m accepting her in a way she hadn’t known before. Through my recovery, I am learning to feel my wounds, listen to and be present for them, so that I can properly heal them. Through my recovery I’m tuning in. I’m becoming the person my Higher Power has always known I can be when I give myself the chance. I’m shedding. I’m renewing. I’m gently becoming what was always there for me to be and I’m so, so proud.

Final thought: Today, self-acceptance comes as I take a gentle look at what’s there, and still love myself.