“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.”

– Life with Hope, second edition, page 11

Early in my recovery, I remember an MA member talking about Step Three, and pointing out that we don’t turn our will and our lives over to a Higher Power, we turn it over to the care of a Higher Power. I grew up with the concept of a Higher Power that was judgmental and aloof. I certainly didn’t feel that my Higher Power cared for me.

Fortunately for me, I also heard early in my recovery that I could fire my old idea of God, and create my own concept. I wasn’t sure how to do this, but I was encouraged to act as if I had a Higher Power and that’s what I did. To start praying, I recited the prayers I learned in recovery rooms. One day, I got the gift of feeling that there was a presence that cared about me. It was the first time in my life I didn’t feel alone. It was a fabulous feeling, and I knew that if I used, I would lose it. This helped me stay clean in my first year.

I knew I wanted a Higher Power who was kind, comforting and non-judgmental. I don’t have to ask my Higher Power for forgiveness because I am never judged. Eventually, I realized that faith means trusting I have a Higher Power, even though I can’t see or touch it, or really know what it is. I have faith that I’m being cared for, and the proof is in the fact that I have been clean for half my life.

Final thought: Today. I turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power’s care.