“One of the joys of being clean is the return of the full range of human emotions. Early on, we often confused feelings with defects of character; as our emotions returned with a new force, they frightened or disoriented us. We had not yet learned what to do with them.”
– Life with Hope, second edition, page 35
Before I had quit weed and committed to the MA Twelve Step program, I feared having to feel my emotions. A huge part of my using revolved around escapism into my privately defined world to avoid intense negative emotions. Now that I participate in life with the help of the Twelve Steps, I embrace the vast spectrum of emotions. Being able to get to the other side of a negative emotion equals growth. To get to the other side, I must go through the emotion and thoroughly feel it.
The beauty of depression and anxiety is that they may not last forever, and there is always a lesson to be learned about the self. Why is it that some situation or person instills fear or sadness within me? What am I trying to hide from? What character defect is causing these emotions? Through deep introspection and meditation, the light creeps in; I uncover facets of myself that have been clouded by marijuana smoke. The program shines the light and takes away the darkness as spirituality improves through the Twelve Step program; soon these low points become few and far between.
Final thought: Today, I embrace my present emotion, for without sadness, there is no happiness.
