“We learned that we could not control our using.”
– Life with Hope, second edition, page 1
I was completely bewildered when I entered recovery and people kept saying that their Higher Power was keeping them clean and sober. This didn’t make any sense to me. If my Higher Power wanted me to be clean and sober, why did I use for so long, and why was it so hard to quit? When I was told I had no control or power over marijuana and other drugs, I rebelled. Didn’t I come into recovery? I was making decisions to come to meetings and work the steps with a sponsor. What did my Higher Power have to do with it?
Slowly, over time, the fog lifted and I realized that I truly am powerless over marijuana, and when I forget that I am powerless, my life is unmanageable. I need to remind myself about Step One every day. Then I turn my will and my life (my thoughts and my actions) over to a higher power, whether I understand it or not.
Final thought: Today, I ask to be reminded that I am always powerless over marijuana, and my life is unmanageable if I forget.
